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12 February 2011 @ 05:38 pm
The Lima Job 1/?  
Title: The Lima Job 1/?
Author: mothergoddamn
Fandom: Glee
Rating: R to NC-17
Characters: Kurt/Blaine
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.
Summary: Sequel to The Dapper Highwayman. Six months later and Blaine is up to his old tricks. But this time the job is bigger and the stakes are higher. And Finn Hudson is along for the ride.

The Lima Job
Chapter 1

"Thank you, Kath. Can I call you, Kath?" Blaine asked as the teller blushed. "That's a lovely name."

"You can call me anything you want, handsome. Are fifties okay?"

"Fifties are wonderful. Oh, Kath, could you do me favor? Could you not trigger the alarm until I'm down the block?"

"No problem." She tapped her finger at a stray hair escaping from her bun. "Anything else?"

"No, I think that's... Wait? Did you take a little something something out for yourself?" She nodded and patted the bulging pocket at her chest. "Right. I'd best be off.” Blaine pulled the bag towards him, scooping up a stray note. You have a lovely day!"

"Sir! Wait." Blaine turned, a twitch of fear in his heart. "You forgot this!"

"Oh! What am I like?" He jogged back and took the gun out of her hands. "Okay, fifteen minutes head start."

"Sure, good luck!"

As he neared the bank door Blaine broke into a run. As jobs go it had gone pretty well. He and Wes had planned it down to the last detail. Small bank, broken CC-TV, limited staff and a lone security guard that didn't react well when copious amounts of contact solution were placed in his food. But no matter how well it had gone so far it still had time to fail.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, Blaine struggled to control his breath. Calm. Calm. It wouldn't do to draw attention to himself now. No, just calmly walk over to Wes' car which was...aha, there.

With his head down, he pulled the bag tight over his shoulder and approached the car in brisk steps. Pulling open the door, he flung the bag of money into the back seat. "Okay, go! Go!" Blaine cried, staring towards the bank. "Come on!"

"Er, dude?"

Blaine looked sideways.

What the fuck?

"You're not Wes!"

"No?" In the place where goddamn Wes was supposed to be sitting, a handsome young man sat looking at him in blank shock. "Can I help you, bro?"

Blaine stared around the car in confusion. "Did Wes send you instead?"


"Oh, my God!"

Wes had choked. He had choked and Blaine had just climbed into someone else's car! Behind him the bells began to ring out loud and any minute the police would be swarming over this place. Over Blaine.

Damnit, Kathy! We agreed fifteen!

"This feels like a complete career step back but," Blaine put the gun into the guy's side. "Drive."


"Listen, man. I don't want any trouble. Just chill okay. Let's all chill."

"Could you go just a tad faster? Like, actually reach the minimum speed limit."

"My name is Finn Hudson. I'm twenty one. I like Italian food. My girlfriend's name is Rachel. I'm a Pisces. I know Cameron Diaz is supposed to be, like, super hot but I always get like a sinister vibe from her, you know? Oh, and I have a mild phobia of potatoes."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said. "Are we on a speed date?"

"What? No. I saw in a movie once that if you make the killer recognize that the victim is human, than he is less likely to make suits out of their skin."

"I'm not going to kill you! Or wear you. Why does everyone always think I'm going to do that? Is it me? It is it something I'm putting out there?" Blaine shook his head. "Wait, potatoes? You're scared of potatoes?"

"Well, I said mildly. It's those creepy shrubs that grow out of them after you leave them long enough." He shuddered, ignoring Blaine's blank stare. "Listen, did you rob that bank? Like seriously?"

"Yes, I seriously robbed that bank." Blaine looked in the rear-view at the scene of the crime that wasn't disappearing fast enough for his liking. "There's a turtle behind us with a brick on his back. He wants to know what's holding us up."

"I'm a nervous driver!" Finn hissed. "And you've got a gun on me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen, Finn, was it?"

"Like Nemo."

"Like...? Okay, I don't want to hurt you. I honestly don't. But please. Just crank it up a notch!"

Finn sighed, dipping his foot and causing the needle to crawl up. "There. Happy? Where are we driving to anyway?"

"There's this cabin in the hills that my partner and I..."

"No way, man. No way! I am not going to your lair!"

"I don't have a lair! I'm not The Riddler! Calm down, will you! It was just a place to hide low for a few days and then we were going our separate ways. Except Wes shot the gun on that one." Blaine looked over at Finn. "You're... you're probably going to have to stay with me. Because you're a witness and all."

"What? How is it my fault you got into my car?" Finn shook his head. "All I wanted was to deposit my pennies."

"Pennies?" Finn jutted his head and Blaine looked in the back seat at the jar of cents and dimes. "That is... adorable."

"Don't even think about taking it!"

"I'll try to restrain myself," Blaine said dryly. "Although, there must be at least seventeen dollars in there." Blaine sighed, looking the other boy over. Not really his type. All limbs and dopey half smiles, but not bad at all. He could be looking at worse things. Then again, he thought remembering another boy, he could be looking at better things.

"Can I turn this song up?" Finn said interrupting his thoughts. "It's so awesome."

"You mean there's a part in this car you're not scared to use?" Blaine twirled the gun. "Be my guest."

"Man, I haven't heard this in ages. Hey, do you think Cee Lo Green looks like a really tall midget?"

Blaine blinked. "What?"

"Sorry, forgot that's not politically correct. No offense."

"No offen...? Hey!"

"I mean little person. He looks like a really tall little person. Seriously, his arms are tiny. If you put a Twinkie in his back pocket, he'd starve to death."

"Finn," Blaine asked softly. "Did your carer get away from you?"

Finn scowled and turned up the volume dial. Blaine rubbed against his temple with the barrel. Just an hour’s drive tops. And then he'd gag him. Gag him with a pair of shoes.

"So, let me get this straight. You're not going to shoot me?" Finn asked, his eyes darting over. "Or kill me?"

"No," Blaine sighed. "Like I said..."

"So what's stopping me pulling over..."

"You'd have to speed up for that."

"...and yelling fire out of the window? Hmm." Finn gave him a look so self satisfied that if his hands hadn't been occupied they'd have been jazz hands getting involved.

"Er, the lack of fire?"

"No, no. They teach you to yell fire when you need help," Finn explained. "I saw it on Dateline."

"They teach people in danger of rape to yell fire. You know? Down dark alleys and that. Not in broad daylight. In the middle of the road. When everyone can see that you're not on fire!"

"Calm down, geez. Just a point."

"Is that a police car?" Blaine's eyes widened as he saw the approaching vehicle. "Finn, seriously!" He began to drum his hands against the dashboard. "Come on, come on, come on!"

"Sweet beat, man."

"Stop joining in! Just go! What are you...? Oh, my God. What are you doing?"

"I'm hungry!" Finn shrugged as he turned the car. "What's wrong?"

"I am on the run! I have a gun on you, there is a police car behind us and you're going into a McDonald's drive through! What is the matter with you?"

"Look! The cops are going straight on, see! They aren't tailing us. What kind of idiot would get food when running from robbing a bank?"


"No, not me." Finn poked a finger in the air with a smug nod. "Smart like a fox." He wound down the window and grinned into the intercom. "Hi! Can I get two Big Mac meals, a quarter pounder with cheese and two banana milkshakes. Er, do you want anything?"

"Yes," Blaine leaned over the boy. "Can we get a potato? The older the better."

"Hey!" Finn elbowed him. "Not cool, man. Listen, can you sub me twenty dollars?"


"Well, I can't exactly give them pennies, and I need money for the food."

"I've seen this episode of Pinky and the Brain," Blaine grumbled grabbing his bag from the back and getting out the money. "Happy?"


Blaine looked at him blankly.

"You've got me driving you to Jellystone Park, the least you can do is sub me for the gas. Cough up, dude." Finn dug in his jean pocket for his wallet and flung it in Blaine's lap. "Only fair."

"Fine, fine." Blaine flipped open the wallet and began to place in the money. "Of all the cars in all the world," he muttered. "This your girlfriend?" he asked, seeing a pretty brunette looking at him from the photo holder.

"Yeah, she isn't usually cross-eyed, though. She was just yelling at me when I took that. Her nostrils are totally less flarey."

"And this?" Blaine pulled out the picture behind it, of Finn with a woman, a man and an attractive boy. "Who are these?"

"That's my Mom, my step dad, Burt and..."

Oh, no. No. No. Blaine thought as he squinted at the picture. It couldn't be.

"...my step brother Kurt."

This was not good.


Kurt stifled a yawn and tried to subtly look at his wrist watch. This wasn't going well. Not well at all. Colin had seemed so much more interesting and handsome at the night club. And thinner. He really needed to stop with the sambucas. This is how he kept ending up on dates with Boteros.

"...so then I said that if they didn't get the project manager on the phone in the next..."

Kurt was sure that this anecdote had started sometime back in the sixties. Where was Mercedes with that "just in case he is a creep" phone call?

Oh, God, but that Adam's apple was definitely above the standard size. He looked like a snake that had swallowed a bowling ball.

Bob, bob, bob.

Stop staring at it! Stop being bitchy! Look at something else. His hair, maybe, That was nice. Well, what he had of it. Wait. What was that on his forehead? Was that a mole?

No. No. It wasn't a mole. It was an appendage.

Stop it! Right. Eyes. No, that was no good. They were so close they looked in conversation with each other. Okay, mouth. Can't go wrong with a mouth. Even if that mouth was thinner than string. And moving. Endlessly moving.

He may as well face it. The problem wasn't that Colin was mole ridden and boring, although he was. And it wasn't that his Adam's apple probably needed its own room with an en suite, no, the problem was and always would be- Blaine.

Blaine with the sweet hazel eyes and tight firm body. Blaine and all the excitement that he had brought. Blaine wearing handcuffs.

Blaine who had said he'd find him. And hadn't.

"Kurt. Hey?"

"Sorry, Adam. I mean- Colin?" Kurt smiled. "You were saying?"

Colin. Really? What parent looked at a baby and thought "Oh, I know! Let's name him Colin."

"Am I boring you?"

Yes. Oh, my God. Yes.

"No! Of course not! Come on. Who wouldn't find technical issues with video conferences fascinating?"

Colin gave a "I know, right?" shrug, and Kurt had to restrain himself from paper cutting him to death with the menu.

"Listen. I like you and you like me. We're two young, attractive people. How about we get out of here and explore," his eyes dropped down to Kurt's body and his brows wiggled in time with the mountain on his throat. "...that?"

Who, other than Benny Hill, waggled their eyebrows?

"Oh." Kurt gave a stretch and a dramatic yawn. "It's getting quite late and..."

"It's three in the afternoon?"

"Is it? It felt... longer. It's just that I have this paper due and..."

"It's summer vacation?"

"I want to get a head start. You know, make a good impression and..."

Kurt's cell began to ring and Kurt was suddenly hit by an extreme and total religious conversion "Hello," he said as he snatched up the phone. "Oh, my God, Mercedes when did this happen?" The ringtone continued to shrill. Fuck! Kurt laughed nervously and gestured to the phone. "Ah, I forgot to click... Er, excuse me." Colin raised a skeptical eyebrow as Kurt stared down at the phone. Finn? Finn was more a texter than a caller at the best of times. Although, even then it was like cracking the Enigma Code. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kurt!" Finn burst out. "You busy?"

"I'm on a date." Colin made his eyebrows dance again and Kurt held back a retch. "What's wrong?"

In the background frantic whispering began and then Finn was back on the line. "Erm, is he hot?"

"What? Finn!"

"Like, on a scale of one to ten. How hot?" A hiss. "This is really disturbing!"

"Are you drunk?" Kurt shrugged at Colin who was starting to look irritated. Kurt held up one finger. "Finn, you need me to come right away? Right this instant?" Kurt began to rise. "Okay. And exactly how much amputation is needed?"

"What are you...? No, you see the thing is... See here's the thing. Stop poking me with that! I'm trying to find the right way to say it. Control issues much?"

"Poking? Who's poking you?"

Down the line came a rustling and a new voice addressed him. "Kurt?"

"Yes." A curious feeling of familiarity washed over him. He knew that voice. He knew it.

"This is a bit awkward, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." The man sighed. "I appear to have accidentally kidnapped your brother."

Chapter 2
albichorizonalbichorizon on February 12th, 2011 05:58 pm (UTC)
YES! *fist pump of glee* I'm so glad to see this.

Blaine, your string of bad luck seems to be telling you something. What, I'm not sure, but something definitely.
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
(Deleted comment)
Bettina Dawes: Book: Sweet Valley High Shock!mothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
eruminator: Darren Criss JUMP!eruminator on February 12th, 2011 06:04 pm (UTC)
Yay! The Ballad of the Dapper Highwayman part two: The Return of Blaine!

Also, that last line killed. Yay!
Bettina Dawes: Book: Raymond Chandlermothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Chapter 2
Kiwee_kiwee_ on February 12th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
Pwhaha, oh, this is like 100000 times better than I ever hoped this to be. I adore how Blaine just charmed that teller in the beginning and how Finn got into this whole mess. Who's poking you? Oh gosh. ♥hearts;hearts;
Kiwee_kiwee_ on February 12th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
HTML fail~

I'm too lazy to go and change it Dx

(no subject) - mothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
unseensorrowsunseensorrows on February 12th, 2011 06:26 pm (UTC)
I squealed when I saw this.
lmao Finn and Blaine...oh this is too good.
Can't wait for more!
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
ever_green_glowever_green_glow on February 12th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC)
That is a seriously awesome last line, just saying
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
(Deleted comment)
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!! Chapter 2
(Deleted comment)
Bettina Dawes: Film: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nestmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
scoutnmimiscoutnmimi on February 12th, 2011 06:52 pm (UTC)
Bettina Dawes: Celeb: Damian Lewismothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
Here you go! Chapter 2
gingerami: darrencriss AKA blainegingerami on February 12th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC)
OMG, this is amazing, haha. I only just read The Dapper Highwayman yesterday, and here this pops up! :) I love it!

Are you going to post this on fanfiction.net the way you did for The Dapper Highwayman? I'm just wondering because I can't wait to read more, and it would be so much easier for me to follow it there, haha.

I hope you update soon!!!
Bettina Dawes: Celeb: Drew Barrymoremothergoddamn on February 12th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC)
Hi! I have mobile broadband at moment and it has a FF.Net restriction on! Hopefully back online properly on Tuesday and I'll be moving all the recent stuff over. If not I'll alert you when I update it. Thank you for reading!
(no subject) - mothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gingerami on February 18th, 2011 12:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
L. Faythnightothers on February 12th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
There were at least three parts I laughed my jiggly ass off on.

"Ah, I forgot to click... Er, excuse me." Was defiantly probably my favorite because I've done that.
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2
(Anonymous) on February 12th, 2011 07:00 pm (UTC)
I was just dying of laughter reading this. Blaine being all flirty and dapper with the teller. The whole conversation between Finn and Blaine. Kurt's awful, awful date. The way Kurt failed to answer the phone the first time. And then, when Blaine was telling Finn what to say on the phone. Sooo funny. I can't wait for the next part!
Bettina Dawes: Art: Tamara De Lempicamothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
(Deleted comment)
Bettina Dawes: Celeb: Michael J Foxmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:43 pm (UTC)
Chapter 2!

Edited at 2011-02-17 10:44 pm (UTC)
Nikkoheystella on February 12th, 2011 07:13 pm (UTC)
Okay, I totally did a stupid seal clap when I saw this, especially because I had no idea you were going to continue Highwayman. <3

The Finn/Blaine banter was flawless, along with Kurt's awkward date. So looking forward to more!
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)
Really huge thank you! I'm glad you like! Chapter 2!
The Gilded Butterflycanadianstudies on February 12th, 2011 07:21 pm (UTC)
Bettina Dawes: Celeb: Jude Law-Bikemothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)
l_lawliet1989l_lawliet1989 on February 12th, 2011 07:35 pm (UTC)
DEAR GOD YES! That is all...
Bettina Dawes: Film: Mean Girlsmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)
Stargirl: Kurt/Blainemisuslovett on February 12th, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
Bettina Dawes: TV: 24mothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
mrcellophane<3kurtartie on February 12th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)

this is awesome!!!!!!
Bettina Dawes: Film: An Affair To Remembermothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
Emma A.: Blaine/lylith_stekc1993 on February 12th, 2011 08:05 pm (UTC)
....My brothers name is Colin.

<3. Just <3. More. Please?
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:46 pm (UTC)
...oh, it's rough next chapter Colin name wise...Chapter 2!

Colin is actually a family name for me! Which is odd. We are italian...
(no subject) - ekc1993 on February 18th, 2011 12:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
vincent_twicevincent_twice on February 12th, 2011 08:13 pm (UTC)
a) I hate college for giving me so much work. Why did I take 20 credits again?
b) How did you write so much in this span of time???
c) I'm so glad you wrote a sequel to this! I loved the first one! And again with the rapid-fire pop culture references and witticisms! I await the next part.
d) I want nothing more than to go read everything else I've missed, but again, 20 credits is not conducive to spare time. It's Saturday and I have to work all day. T_T
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:47 pm (UTC)
a: I, too, hate your college,
c) Yay!
e) Chapter 2!
(no subject) - vincent_twice on February 17th, 2011 10:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
sunny_rainfallsunny_rainfall on February 12th, 2011 08:16 pm (UTC)
hahahahahah last line is the best!!!!
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:47 pm (UTC)
Bd: [Glee] baby it's cold outsidejetaimerai on February 12th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
The Dapper Highwayman is seriously one of the best fics in this entire fandom and this sequel is so far just as amazing! I really can't wait to see this continued!
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
WOW. Thank you! What a lovely thing to say! <3 Much appreciated!

Chapter 2!
tonje90: can't drawtonje90 on February 12th, 2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
"I appear to have accidentally kidnapped your brother."
This whole thing is so awesome, but this just took the cake xD
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Bettina Dawesmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
NdR: Azimionaderegen on February 12th, 2011 08:52 pm (UTC)
I was lolling all the way through this.

It's hilarious ;___;' Finn making Blaine pay his food and his gas? golden. PRIORITIES, very good.

Also, the adam/colin mix up, snort.

yeah this is great.
Bettina Dawes: Film: Heathersmothergoddamn on February 17th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Chapter 2!